Seymore
Feb-28-2005, 02:01 PM
A DRIVING GUIDE TO DENVER... (you started this Nikolai :rolleyes )
1. For driving purposes, there are only two discernable seasons: snow and road construction.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own version of traffic rules... hold on and pray.
3. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Denver. They all drive like that.
4. All directions start with, "Go down to Colorado Blvd..." which has no beginning and no end.
5. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
6. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot at. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
8. The rush hour traffic report will take twice as long as the news, weather, and sports reports combined - this is normal.
9. There are streets with the same names in various locations throughout the metro area (i.e., Mississippi, Belleview, Quincy, etc.) Although these are technically parts of the same streets, it is impossible to follow any of them continuously from one part of town to another.
10. Construction on I-25/I-225 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
11. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Arvada!"
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
13. All old ladies with blue hair in large cars have the right of way.
14. The minimum acceptable speed on the Boulder Turnpike is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
15. The wrought iron bars on windows in Five Points isn't ornamental.
16. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says "Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
17. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone people are not waving when they go by.
18. Parker Road will be under construction through the next Ice Age.
19. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, etc., are conveniently located right in the middle of town so as to allow for no parking and to add to the already annoying traffic congestion.
20. Anyone within 20 miles of Denver on the day of a Broncos home game is certifiably crazy.
1. For driving purposes, there are only two discernable seasons: snow and road construction.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own version of traffic rules... hold on and pray.
3. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Denver. They all drive like that.
4. All directions start with, "Go down to Colorado Blvd..." which has no beginning and no end.
5. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
6. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot at. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
8. The rush hour traffic report will take twice as long as the news, weather, and sports reports combined - this is normal.
9. There are streets with the same names in various locations throughout the metro area (i.e., Mississippi, Belleview, Quincy, etc.) Although these are technically parts of the same streets, it is impossible to follow any of them continuously from one part of town to another.
10. Construction on I-25/I-225 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
11. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Arvada!"
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
13. All old ladies with blue hair in large cars have the right of way.
14. The minimum acceptable speed on the Boulder Turnpike is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
15. The wrought iron bars on windows in Five Points isn't ornamental.
16. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says "Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
17. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone people are not waving when they go by.
18. Parker Road will be under construction through the next Ice Age.
19. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, etc., are conveniently located right in the middle of town so as to allow for no parking and to add to the already annoying traffic congestion.
20. Anyone within 20 miles of Denver on the day of a Broncos home game is certifiably crazy.