C&C on composition please

[Carmelo75]

Hi everybody, here is a quite abstract shot I have taken this morning. Currently I am often playing with simple subjects, trying to improve my skills in composing volumes in an elegant way, and this shot is part of my "exercises".

I would really appreciate any critical comment on the composition of the image, the balance of the volumes, and how it could have been done better. I can eventually redo the shot to put the suggestions into practice...

[Mr. Quiet]

It might look better if you did not have so much of the rim?

[craig_d]

It might look better if you did not have so much of the rim?

I think the rim makes the picture -- that beautiful curve coming from upper left down to the right and back to bottom center. I don't think I'd change anything about this. I even like the flat white background.

[Carmelo75]

Thanks for the replies, Mr. Quiet & Craig!

It might look better if you did not have so much of the rim?
Hi, I'm afraid that if I had tried to reduce the rim, almost nothing would have been left to see in the picture, and I would have better not taken it. Maybe this is the case :scratch...

For me the curve of the rim was part of the composition, and I have tried to include just enough not to cut it. Whether the composition works or not, whether it results in an interesting shot or not, is the question I am asking here...


I think the rim makes the picture -- that beautiful curve coming from upper left down to the right and back to bottom center. I don't think I'd change anything about this. I even like the flat white background.

Hi Craig, obviously I share your point, still I'm wondering if the reaction the shot produces is more "I like it" or "I don't care" or "so what?!?"...

[Miguel Delinquento]

While I like the texture and color of this shot, I don't think it works well as a whole abstract. This is because the composition is not abstract enough to transcend our immediate interest in figuring out what this object is.

I do admire your intention and bet you have a few more interesting ones to share.

M

[SteveF]

The upper right hand corner being out of focus doesn't work for me here. Seems that it should be sharp as with the rest of the image, or more of the image should be oof.

Pure white bg doesn't do much for me.

Really like the comp. Curving lines and the way you have organized them work well. Not sure the subject is really enough to truly hold the viewer, but I like the comp, which is what you asked about.

[Carmelo75]

While I like the texture and color of this shot, I don't think it works well as a whole abstract. This is because the composition is not abstract enough to transcend our immediate interest in figuring out what this object is.

I do admire your intention and bet you have a few more interesting ones to share.

M
Hi Miguel, in fact I agree with your overall judgment, I was also somehow not convinced by the shot itself, although I was really curious to hear other opinions...

Hoping not to break the rules of this forum, I post below a second shot that I took the same day on the same subject.

I personally like this second one more than the first, and I think it should work better, therefore I am even more interested to hear comments.

The image has in my opinion at least two "problems":
- I had to crop almost 50% of the original shot to get a clean composition
- the white background spot on the top-right is a bit distracting, but I do not know exactly how to change it in order to "neutralize" it...

The upper right hand corner being out of focus doesn't work for me here. Seems that it should be sharp as with the rest of the image, or more of the image should be oof.

Pure white bg doesn't do much for me.

Really like the comp. Curving lines and the way you have organized them work well. Not sure the subject is really enough to truly hold the viewer, but I like the comp, which is what you asked about.

Hi Steve, I basically agree with all you say, except for the white background: I have imagined the shot as an almost monochromatic image, and I have therefore appreciated the white background produced by the foggy weather.

I'm really interested to hear your comments on this second shot...

Carmelo

[adbsgicom]

I really like the desaturated color of the second one. The shapes are very interesting on their own.

[Mr. Quiet]

The second one is MUCH better! I actually really like it:clap IMHO, it is a true abstract:thumb

[craig_d]

The second one is a much cooler composition. I liked the first one well enough, but the second has something more to it.

[Miguel Delinquento]

Carmelo,
This second shot is stronger and more engaging. That white sliver is troublesome, but I would consider cloning an extension of the left-side piece.

That said, by itself, this photo would not quite make it into my idealized portfolio. However, it would look great as part of a series showing forms of certain materials. It would also be a cool technical illustration from a manufacturing and engineering perspective. That's the kind of photography you can live off of rather than "abstract" art (nothing wrong with the latter, except for eventual starvation).

M

[Carmelo75]

Hi, thanks a lot for all the comments, and for having looked at the second shot!!! I'm really glad t see that you liked it (and that my self-judgment is not completely unreliable...):D.

Miguel, while I totally agree with your point of view on the shot, I have to admit that I am not a pro. That means that I have the great advantage of being free to shot at whatever I like or catches my eyes, without having to sell the result in order not to starve :smooch...

Having said that, I'm really grateful of any suggestion that helps improving my skills, your never know what will happen...

Carmelo